Easter

You’d think after twenty-five years of celebrating Easter, I would have understood the true meaning of the holiday by now.  Until today, I really had no idea…

While it is full of colorful eggs bursting with treasures, stale marshmallows in a variety of poorly shaped animals dipped in edible glitter, and screaming four year olds who don’t think they’ve had enough candy, there is something else this day brings us - a reminder that forgiveness sets us free.

I’m sure I fall into the majority of the population when I say that I have a very difficult time “letting go” of things in the past and forgiving those who have done some serious damage to my psyche.  It hurts and it causes conflict and turmoil in our lives because we bury it so deep in our heart that it affects us, those around us and the relationships we are in and we don’t even realize it.  It eats our soul so to speak, and we lose ourselves. 

It wasn’t until this morning (after a fight with my husband), that a conversation made me realize why I have been so confrontational.  So unhappy. So different than who I used to be.  Balled up and teary eyed; Andrew took me in his arms and told me that I just need to start forgiving people for the pain they caused me umpteen years ago.  All of that negative energy I have been holding onto has been breaking me down as a person, as a wife, as a mother and as a friend.  So, after one of the deepest conversations of my life, we forgave each other (and I mean REALLY forgave each other).  We let it all go.  Honest to God, I immediately felt like the dark cloud that had been keeping me company the past few months lifted.  I felt reassured, renewed, and alive.  That’s when it occurred to me that this is what Easter is really about. 

When we forgive others (and ourselves), we are “rising from the dead” within our hearts.  We are alive again.  Made whole.  Renewed. 

What a blessing it is to know that Jesus gave his life for us, so that we could be forgiven; and so that we could forgive each other and be made whole once again.

Third Wednesday of Advent, 2011

Daily Reading: Zephaniah 3:1-2, 9-13


Thus says the LORD: Woe to the city, rebellious and polluted, to the tyrannical city! She hears no voice, accepts no correction; in the LORD she has not trusted, to her God she has not drawn near.

For then I will change and purify the lips of the peoples, that they all may call upon the name of the LORD, to serve him with one accord; from beyond the rivers of Ethiopia and as far as the recesses of the North, they shall bring me offerings.

On that day you need not be ashamed of all your deeds, your rebellious actions against me; for then will I remove from your midst the proud braggarts and you shall no longer exalt yourself on my holy mountain. But I will leave as a remnant in your midst a people humble and lowly, who shall take refuge in the name of the LORD: the remnant of Israel. They shall do no wrong and speak no lies; nor shall there be found in their mouths a deceitful tongue; they shall pasture and couch their flocks with none to disturb them.


Daily Meditation:

On that day, you need not be ashamed of all your deeds, your rebellious actions against me. The Lord's coming, promises us a time when we need not fear. It will indeed be a time of purifying, a time of humility and trust in God. We ask for the grace to be like the child whose mind is changed and says, “Yes” to our Lord's call.


Daily Reflection:

I seem to be drawn to the latter part of this scripture- “On that day, you need not be ashamed of all your deeds, your rebellious actions against me…” I know I’m ashamed of my actions and rebelliousness. I’ve always “learned things the hard way” because of my bull headedness. I regret a lot of my actions, as they thwarted my relationship with Heavenly Father and my family. Just last night, I started an argument with my husband over nothing. I was ashamed when I finally realized that I wasn’t actually mad at him; I was mad at circumstances that were uncontrollable (and at other people entirely), and I had harbored a lot of anger that in turn, created a very large wall (I tend to create those to avoid being hurt). We ended up discussing how poor attitudes lead to rebellious words and actions. It’s pretty sad that it took a fight with someone I love more than anything else; to realize that I have to stop trying to take on the world alone… the result is not worth the walls and the inner hostility that you start projecting outward. Now that Andrew crushed my wall, we can focus on strengthening our marriage even more… overcoming the hurdles together as a team, becoming the spouses God intended us to be for each other, and the people He needs us to be for others.


Closing Prayer:

Lord of such compassionate wisdom, how often do I exalt myself and ignore you? I look over the heads of my more humble brothers and sisters, not seeing how they rely on you so much more than I do. Help me to learn from them to make you the center of my life.

You invite me to not be ashamed of what I have done in my life, but instead offer me a refuge. Let me call out to you; hear me: Give me the grace to see those around me who are brokenhearted. Guide me in staying with them in their sorrows. I ask for the courage to help them in all the ways they need it and to be your servant on this earth.

Third Monday of Advent, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011


I left off last week expressing how this year has challenged and inspired me to take a closer look at my relationships and myself. It's been a few days since I have read and reflected on the scriptures Advent has brought forth; naturally, I figured I would do it today and write another blog.

It seems that most of this years’ readings are from the book of Isaiah. What is interesting to me about this is that I have now come across three scriptures that found me earlier in the year. When my husband had been deployed for about a week, I prayed for something I could give to him that he could reflect on when he was having a rough day. This is what I was given:

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:31


I started to include this and a few other scriptures, into the letters I wrote him. Despite the distance, emotional roller coaster, fear, loneliness and stress (amongst other things) that grace us all during deployments, I feel that having written it every day helped me to think about it. Thinking about it led me to acting on it; and acting on it gave me the strength and desire to be steadfast and patient.

Having come across this again as the year comes to an end; I can’t help but think how much I unknowingly needed that scripture. Andrew and I have spent most of the year apart; a few months of it only being able to talk every three weeks. There were so many days where I was exhausted and frustrated that I could not talk to him when I really needed to. God has shown me that no matter how tough the road is, no matter how tired and impatient I am, that He will make me the rock my family needs me to be.

On a Second Note...

I just feel like I need to keep writing. I have so much to say... so much I've been thinking about.

This year has been a whirlwind- some of the best days of my life and some of the worst. It’s difficult to find the words to describe how this year has unfolded and how it has impacted me. So many things have changed the way I think and how I want to live. I’ve been stubborn and prideful, always trying to do things on my own because I felt as though I had something to prove. But I didn’t… it was just fear.

I’ve since recognized that about myself. It wasn’t until a scripture grabbed hold of me and broke me down enough to ask God for help. All I needed had been right in front of me the whole time; I just chose not to listen.

"Fear not, for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with my {victorious} right hand of rightness and justice." -Isaiah 41:10

 I’m so grateful… I don’t know how I haven’t lost my marbles with all the difficulties this year brought along with it. As I said in my previous blog, I’ve wandered further than I’d like to admit; but God has other plans. He has continuously strengthened and hardened me so that I could be more of the person He needs me to be and less of who I think I should be. I’ve realized had it not been for the challenges of the year, I would not be who I am and where I am at this moment… and it’s all been worth it.


And so begins my journey…

Second Tuesday of Advent, 2011

Tuesday December 6, 2011


Daily Reading: Isaiah 40:1-11

Comfort, give comfort to my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her service is at an end, her guilt is expiated; Indeed, she has received from the hand of the LORD double for all her sins. A voice cries out: In the desert prepare the way of the LORD! Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God! Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill shall be made low; the rugged land shall be made a plain, the rough country, a broad valley. Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all people shall see it together; for the mouth of the LORD has spoken. A voice says, "Cry out!" I answer, "What shall I cry out?" "All flesh is grass, and all their glory like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower wilts, when the breath of the LORD blows upon it. So then, the people are the grass. Though the grass withers and the flower wilts the word of our God stands forever." Go up onto a high mountain, Zion, herald of glad tidings; Cry out at the top of your voice, Jerusalem, herald of good news! Fear not to cry out and say to the cities of Judah: Here is your God! Here comes with power the Lord GOD, who rules by his strong arm; here is his reward with him, his recompense before him. Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; in his arms he gathers the lambs, carrying them in his bosom, and leading the ewes with care.





Reflection of Today’s Reading:

We are often faced with challenges that seem to be too much for us to handle. Sometimes it is a daily struggle to climb out of the rut we are in and give it to the Lord. At times, we even get so caught up in the daily stresses of life that we inadvertently wander away from Him. Like the lost sheep, God desires to save us from these hardships and lead us back to Him. Throughout this day, I am going to make an effort to approach the challenges in my own life in a different way. I want to respond differently to my frustrations and stress, but most importantly, I want to be mindful that I don’t have to face things on my own. If I make the time to lift all my worries up to the Lord, then He will help me overcome all obstacles. I know I have already wandered further than I would like to admit, but each day is a new beginning and my Shepard will continue to herd me back in the right direction!


Closing Prayer:

Almighty God, I hear it over and over: you are coming to me. I feel my heart stir in anticipation, and I sense that you are inviting me to enter more deeply into the mystery of your birth. Help me to feel renewed patience settle in my heart, and to lift my face in joy. I have been like a lost lamb, but I hear your voice calling me and I feel how deeply you want me to return. Somehow I know that you rejoice in my desire to find you. Help me not to be afraid to say out loud, to believe: Here is God, coming into my life.